I’ve found God. Via text message.

Every day, I receive three or four text messages that are pure spam. Thankfully, I don’t pay for them.

Lately, they’ve been Valentine’s Day themed, as though I needed such tugging of the heartstrings. Other times, they’re offering me all manner of calling plans or Bollywood ring tones. Jai Ho (the popular diddy from Slumdog Millionaire) is still not old.

But frequently they are extolling the virtues of religion and offering to help me find it.

A few days ago, Reliance (my cell phone provider) suggested I “Learn from the GURU itself. Dial *123*59# for SWAMI VIVEKANAND Teachings or dial *123*515# for Baba RAMDEV Tips.”

Granted Swamiji and Babaji are both men, as are most Indian spiritual leaders. But when Reliance chose to be gender neutral. Good call.

Earlier, awesome, text messages (typed verbatim, weirdness and all) include:

  • “Make your Day a worth with the name of GOD. Dial*123*33# for Sai Baba or dial *123*27# for powerful Shiv mantra.”
  • “Get the Powerful BLESSINGS of God in your Life. Dial *123*27# for Shiv MANTRA or dial *123*1002# for BHAGWAD Geeta.”
  • “Get one step closer to SAI Baba. Know the LORD. Just dial *123*33#”
  • [From Kenya months ago] “Read the Bible. From Genesis to Revelation by chapter and verse. Safaricom.com”

All for a charge of Rs. 30 a month. Small price to to “make your day a worth.”

God apparently, when he/she/it is texting out the adverts, is a little unsure of the English language and doesn’t really care about consistent punctuation or capitalization. Omniscience on the fritz or just lazy with the ethereal thumbs?

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One Response to “I’ve found God. Via text message.”

  1. Royal Says:
    February 19th, 2010 at 1:57 pm


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